Now that I am officially 20 years old, I decided it would be essential to discuss some life lessons I have come to uncover that will take me far. I plan to take this new decade of my life to take me far and ensure that I grow into the mature and stable person that I have always planned on being.
I'm not behind in life.
It is easy to think how behind I am compared to my peers, influencers, and celebrities. So this reminder that I am not behind in life has allowed me to reevaluate the scope of my accomplishments and failures and realize that I am not behind. I cannot be behind in life if no definitive scale showcases that I am behind. Analyzing my life through the scope of influencers or even peers my age, I see myself constantly trying to be on their level or make it look like I am "on par" with life, but doing this has led me to spiral, thinking that I'm not doing enough or I'm not good enough. So instead of framing my life into the endless news stories or even Instagram posts I see, I've cut this out by critically analyzing my life through my perspective alone without any input from anyone else. With this, I learned to be genuinely proud of my work and how far I am in life now; even if it may seem like a little, it is still something, and I should highlight that.
It's okay to rest.
I'm not sure where I got this idea that resting was me being lazy. However, I constantly doubted whether I was tired or needed a break since I was just a college student. But, I realized that trying to validate taking a break was draining and not even worth it since I would invalidate the idea of rest. It wasn't until I saw myself decline rapidly within my work and noticed how my behavior was majorly different from usual that I needed to rest and that it was okay. I've had multiple times of burnout throughout my academic journey, but in my third year of CSULA, I felt it hard and realized that taking time for myself is okay. At first, I didn't realize myself doing this or why I would do this. Still, in a world that showcases people my age constantly working and not taking breaks, I felt selfish even thinking of taking one since my primary focus is my education and other extracurriculars that come with this. So in my 20s, I hope to spend time resting to help myself, not only so I can be a better worker but also a better person.
Prioritizing mental health isn't bad.
Among the many years I've been in therapy, I've never been ashamed of this; even now that I am no longer in therapy, I reflect on my mental health journey and how far I've come. When prioritizing my mental health, I would push this aside and work on my portfolio, professional career development, or personal health issues. I would push my mental health away because I didn't see it as a pressing issue that needed immediate care. This pattern ultimately led to significant self-sabotage on my end. It would set me back, so even though I am not actively in therapy, I recognize my mental health struggles and realize that prioritizing this isn't bad or wrong. In my 20s, I plan to keep this ideology with me since I am actively learning and maturing, so with this new decade of my life, I plan to prioritize my mental health since it is necessary and matters.
The path to adulthood isn't always linear.
Returning to discussing how I felt behind in life, although my life is just starting, it is essential to note that adulthood isn't a linear path, significantly, since it is constantly changing or evolving. With this realization that the path to becoming an adult is not as straightforward as adults told me, I remember hearing that I'd be an official adult once I went into college, but this isn't true. Being an adult is not that simple, nor is it as straightforward. So to reenvision adulthood going into my 20s, I plan on reminding myself that this path and the journey I am on isn't linear and that there will be difficulties or issues in this newfound journey. I shouldn't subject myself to feeling behind or like I've gone "off path" when there was never one.
Emotions are valid.
With the topic of emotions, I believe this life lesson is straightforward. But for context, feeling or feeling emotions are valid; even when invalidated, it is still valid. This lesson is good to take into my 20s because I believe that it is essential to understand that it's okay to be emotional and it's okay to feel emotions, even when told otherwise.
Change is good.
I used to hate change, not sure why, but whenever it came to something new or the closing of something, I dreaded that feeling of changing my routine or changing how I would approach things. This idea that change was terrible left me anxious and honestly not appreciative of my achievements. Realizing that change is good has led me to allow for growth and embrace new changes in my life, big or small.
Vulnerability isn't a weakness.
Looking at how I would apologize for crying and felt it as a sign of vulnerability, causing me to look weak, so I would suppress my vulnerable feelings to make it seem like I was fine, but there came a time when I had enough of feeling the same in looking or feeling vulnerable. With emotions being valid, I believe a life lesson of recognizing that vulnerability isn't a weakness and makes us human and empathetic of others.
Passion will take me far.
Being passionate about the major and minor I am pursuing has taken me far—not just discussing educational-wise, but in my personal life too. When reflecting on what I've learned about myself, I learned that my passion has always been there and hasn't led me wrong; when it comes to this life lesson, I see this present in different aspects of my life. My passion for growing and learning has led me to be a better person and has led me to realize that my passion for different things will always be with me and allow me to grow into who I am now, and will continue to lead me to grow.
Not every criticism is negative.
Before becoming a communication major, I wouldn't like criticism or was so disgraced that I had done poorly or not as well as I had hoped. One of the first things I learned in college was that criticism isn't a bad word; we think of it as a bad thing due to past experiences. So unlearning how criticism was negative has helped me realize personal and professional development growth. Criticism isn't harmful; it encourages growth and is positive when evolving yourself as a better person or worker.
Step back sometimes.
Even when feeling overwhelmed, I have started to step back and look at completed and past work to appreciate myself and look at the things I have accomplished when feeling overwhelmed or as if I haven't done enough. So stepping back to see how far you've come is the best thing one can do. Taking this into my 20s, I see myself learning more about my writing and working styles that I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't stepped back to evaluate myself. So if you read this and think how you have been hard on yourself, I recommend stepping back to see how far you've grown or see how you can progress more because, trust me, it can be so easy to believe you haven't done enough, so you need to step back.
Don't live your life for someone else.
This life lesson took me a long time to realize, so it is essential to highlight it. I would constantly do extracurriculars to get academic validation from my peers and family, but I realized I wasn't happy with what I was doing. Realizing that I settled and started living my life, not for myself but for others, made me miserable, and I felt like I wasted my time. But when I realized that I wasn't doing certain things for myself, I realized how to change this and break from this toxic mindset. This is one of those life lessons I'm taking into my 20s and for many years to come because it's important to realize when something isn't for you or when to step back from living life for another person.
Rejection encourages growth.
Looking at how I have only been rejected from an opportunity once, I didn't know how to deal with rejection. So with learning how to deal with this topic, I realized how vital rejection is for growth—now, I know this sounds like I probably want to be rejected, but no, that is not what I'm saying. I am saying how being rejected from an opportunity made me think my work wasn't good enough, but it led me to grow as a better worker. My portfolio of writing samples and professional portfolio are further developing to be something presentable and something I am proud of because of rejection from a company and them giving me feedback on how I can improve. So with this life lesson, I want to take this into my 20s' to realize that rejection isn't always wrong; it can lead me to grow and be a better worker.
Hold onto happy moments.
This life lesson is a simple reminder to hold onto the happy moments. Whether that be big or small, they matter and are relevant.
Take up space.
As a first-generation student, I found like-minded discussions of feeling like you don't belong in a program due to lack of experience or education, but truth be told, that framework is wrong. At the HACU conference, I virtually went to the conversation about taking up space. It felt comforting to hear from people like me; I thought I felt alone with these emotions, but that's not the case. So a big life lesson I took from the conference is not to be afraid to take up space and push those negative thoughts away. I am not taking up space in a program and frame it to be that I earned my spot to be there and not be afraid of taking up space.
You don't have to be good at everything.
I have many hobbies, but my biggest downfall was keeping them. I caught myself getting into a new hobby and giving up because I wasn't good enough. I might be alone with this, but I have high expectations when I start something new, and when I don't meet them, I get discouraged and give up. A perfect example of this is when I was learning how to cross-stitch. I gave up because I wasn't good at it. So looking at all my failed hobbies one day, I realized that I don't have to be good at that specific hobby, which translates to my educational path. I would get discouraged during my many years of school, but looking at it now, I was never a good public speaker or communicator. Still, I am, majoring in Mass Communications because I enjoy it. So having this same idea and applying it to different aspects of my life, I have allowed myself to enjoy more little things that I initially would've been discouraged by because I just stopped caring if I was good at it or not. I plan to take this into my 20s to allow myself to enjoy the difficulties and simplicities of life; after all, that is all we are even here to do.
Check up on others after you've checked in on yourself.
I checked in on how my friends were doing even if I wasn't in the right mindset. I thought I was doing my best for my friends, but this made me feel either burned out or emotionally drained. So lately, I haven't checked in on people unless I feel emotionally and mentally prepared. I would feel guilty, thinking I am a lousy friend, but I use this system to ensure I am okay before seeing if my friends are okay. Doing this isn't selfish; it is the most innovative way to approach friendships since I frequently don't realize I'm not okay until I feel drained. I plan to take this into my 20s to discuss further how I approach my relationships in a healthy way for myself.
Love and appreciate your inner circle.
While looking at my relationship with my friends, I realize that I love and appreciate everything they do for me, but I never vocalize this. While talking to one of my friends on the phone, I found it hard to tell them I appreciate them, unsure why. Still, going into this new life journey, I plan on verbally telling my inner circle that I love and appreciate them, no matter how hard or awkward it is for me to say those specific words.
Knowledge is continually expanding.
I have never thought of myself as someone with a fixed mindset, but within specific topics, I see myself stuck believing I am correct. But with this, I also remind myself that no one knows everything one needs to know. Life is constantly about learning and gaining new knowledge. So in my 20s, I plan to learn more and expand whatever knowledge I have and add better to improve myself in my educational and professional journey.
Don't doubt yourself.
Looking at my journey into my 20s, I see moments where I have doubted myself; even if it were over something so small and simple, I would question myself. I'm not sure how this doubting started, and to be transparent, I'm not sure how it stopped. But it did; once I realized that I was no longer doubting myself or holding myself back from an opportunity I've been eyeing, I felt happier than ever, and as of now, I'm taking this life lesson more at heart.
Have fun.
I noticed a common occurrence when reflecting on my growth from childhood to now. I would not allow myself to have fun. I have been a shy, quiet, and serious person. The reason is that I had to grow up fast, which I never thought of as a bad thing, but reflecting on my childhood, I can't see many happy or fun memories. Thinking about this life lesson has left me emotional and has led to me crying and thinking about how I can never have childhood stories to tell, but it's for a good reason. So in my 20s, I want to have fun, even if that fun comes from the little things. Finding joy and fun is possibly the best feeling you can ever have; with this, those are the 20 life lessons I plan on taking into my 20s.
Before I end this blog, I want to share a fun memory I made recently. After spending time with a friend I hadn't seen since high school graduation, I ran home with my dog while listening to the full 10-minute version of All Too Well. This little moment was fun to me, and I know it was fun for my dog too. Here's a photo to prove it. I cannot wait to have a new blog post for you to enjoy! ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚
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